THE FUN CAR

Turn that frown upside down

2009-02-19T08:47:00.001-08:00

So I spent all of last week at my sister’s place up in Wisconsin, pretty much officially assuming the role of “World’s Greatest Uncle” to my 3-year-old nephew and his nine month old little brother. My single greatest feat came on Day 2, when I taught the older one how to catch … and it only took a couple minutes. The kid soaks up information better than John Daly soaks up Bud Heavy at the 19th Hole.

But a lot has happened since then, so I better just shutup about by uncling (yeah, I just made up that word). First and foremost, there are several reports of excessive hyperventilating coming from a four-block radius on Indy’s near-north side.

Well, all of us Butler fans can pretty much take a seat. Don’t get me wrong, I’m not one to consider drowning myself after this two-game losing streak left the Bulldogs 22-4 with a dwindling chance of an at-large bid. It’s just time to be real about this team … a team that is still nothing to turn your nose at.

But being the kind of guy that I am, I am looking at this as an opportunity to just take a step back and realize what’s really going on here. I had pretty much one though after that hideous loss to Milwaukee last night, a loss that in many respects was worse than falling to the Loyola Junior Varsities. The thought was that this team is tired. They’re hitting the proverbial wall. And it’s both physical and mental at this point. Just watch the game … most of the bad fouls on defense come as the result of slow feet and lazy movements, for one example.

So I woke up this morning, decided to take a browse at the game story in the Indy Star. And here’s what Brad Stevens had to say: “I’m never going to say that. Nope. No wall.”

I love Brad, but come on, he’s saying that only because it’s exactly the opposite. You think he’s going to say, “This team is worn out. I can see it in their legs during the game, and I’m going to have to address that in the best way I can.” At this point of the season, he knows he can’t go that route. This is the start of the stretch run, when if you’re not playing your best ball, your season can end pretty quick. In other words, not the time to tell your players they are tired.

But here’s what is perhaps even more important: on top of being a half step slower, Butler is playing all of these teams for the second time this season and it’s really showing on the floor. Teams they beat like a drum the first time around aren’t just going to let that happen a second time. These coaches are better than that (most of them), and they are learning more and more about the Bulldogs every time they see them on film or in person. Until the young guys realize that, they will come out disinterested against inferior teams.

You could make the argument that going through this inevitable part of the schedule, it’s all on Stevens to not only prepare his team differently and do all the little things that go along with making it through the bumps of a full season. I would tend to agree with that, in theory, but in the end it really falls on the players’ shoulders when they are on the floor. The freshmen may be young, but they know what’s going on. And they’ll either work through it while learning … or they won’t. It’s just like going through your freshman year of college as a student: You will either learn how to handle being on your own and how to handle your booze and grades at the same time, or you’ll finish the year with a 2.1 GPA.

Look, with a 22-4 record, there is not much to complain about in the grand scheme of things. Do the fans expect more of this program now? Yes, and rightfully so. But is it a bit unrealistic at times? Yes, certainly. I have been guilty myself of both.

If the Bulldogs fail to reach the NCAA Tournament, it would be a huge disappointment from the standpoint of the development of this team – and the freshman class in particular. No, it won’t be the end of the world, but I firmly believe that if we are going to see this group’s full potential in the next couple years, then a spot in the field of 65 is a must this March. I say they’ll still be there … somehow, someway.

Five Questions for Brad Stevens

2009-02-05T08:39:00.000-08:00

Not long into the second half of Butler’s 75-66 loss to Green Bay on Monday night, I got that feeling that usually comes around once or twice a season. You know what I’m talking about. Sitting there watching a weeknight road game, riding an 8-12 game winning streak or so, and things just aren’t going well.

It’s almost as if I mailed in the loss well before it even happened, just to start the process of moving on. I wasn’t, and am still not, upset by the fact that Butler lost … it was more the fashion in which they did so. And what I kind of like about it is that with just one loss, suddenly the regular season conference title is up for grabs. I want to see how this group responds.

Sure, the officiating was again terrible. But you know that going in to it. When was the last time you watched a Horizon League game and thought the crew in stripes did a solid job? Knowing how tight of game they were calling, I was frustrated to see how many stupid fouls Butler gave up in the second half. They’re smarter than that, I think.

Two things that kind of stick out to me at the moment are the point guard situation and the Matt Howard situation. The former is causing serious turnover problems while the latter needs to learn how to stay on the floor and out of foul trouble.

I’m not sitting here and throwing Howard under the bus – what I’m saying is that, he seems to be costing the team by committing one or two stupid fouls a game and having to sit the bench with a cup of coffee. Do you see how the offense struggles when he is not on the floor? This team can’t win in the conference tourney or advance in the real tourney if Howard doesn’t play 30 minutes or more. It’s as simple as that right now.

I do give some credit to Green Bay for playing a solid game, and by no means am I suggesting that after one loss you need to find new ingredients. Just mix the salad for me. What I’m hoping is that this one loss will, most importantly, hammer home some basic things that need to change for the sake of the team. Did anyone else notice Gordon Hayward bringing the ball up the floor a handful of times in the second half? I know I’d like to see that again. I don’t subscribe to the theory that it takes away from what Gordo can do on the offensive end. I do subscribe to the theory of Gordo being able to handle the ball and actually see a standard passing lane, for instance.

Speaking of Gordo, I would be doing a disservice if I failed to mention the reference made on Green Bay TV during the game on Monday night. The color analyst said, without hesitation, “This guy is more versatile than the ShamWow.” I know for a fact that I’m not the only one who caught that.

Over the past couple weeks, I’ve had some questions that have me scratching my head. I think I’ll go ahead and write them here, as if I were providing a list to Brad Stevens and he promise to tell the whole truth and nothing but the truth. Here we go.

1. How come when Hahn comes in and commits three quick turnovers he gets yanked never to see the floor again, but when Ron Nored does pretty much the same thing, you leave him on the floor most of the time? And honestly, do you think either one of them is helping the team right now? I’m not biased against them, I promise, so be honest.

2. Why don’t you ever put your hands on Shelvin Mack’s shoulders, look him in the eye, kind of shake him a little bit and say … “Shelvin! Shoot the damn ball more!”

3. Why don’t you ever do the same thing, except say “less” to a handful of other guys?

4. Why don’t you wear tennis shoes every game? That was a good look for you.

5. Have you considered sitting down in a room alone with Gordo, Mack and Howard, and saying this one sentence to them: “Guys, all I’m asking you to do is take about 80 percent of our shots every game”?

I could come up with more, but I’ll leave it at that for now. Maybe I’ll start doing a weekly “Five Questions for Brad Stevens” bit. Yeah that sounds good. I’m out of town next week but I’ll still be writing twice, so enjoy your first weekend of hell without football. Cheers.

Super Bowls of Dip

2009-02-02T08:45:00.000-08:00

I decided to go fairly low key for the Super Bowl yesterday, just myself and a husband-wife combo … a fairly standard third party affair for yours truly. We happened to feature a variety of dips as the main course(s), which I think I’m now going to make the main staple for future viewing parties. The ability to graze at your leisure is of utmost importance at such events. Chips and dips are the ultimate grazing combos. By the way, if you’d like to read about the game itself, you are allowed to go elsewhere. Only vague references here in The Fun Car today.

Let me just start by saying that I’m glad I no longer drink Budweiser products after that display of not just one, but a series of utterly painful and uncomfortable horse commercials. You all saw them, and I know (hope) you were cringing at the same thing. The thick skulls at Anheuser-Busch decided to get cute and take their “iconic” horses and make them talk. Horses talking. Not funny talking … trying to follow 30-second plots and storylines. Who thought of this? One of them was even trying to make reference to the hardships of our ancestors’ immigration. With a narrator and a horse. The thoughts of the horse. Gosh that was just awful.

Which brings me to the good stuff. Best of the commercials was easily the one-second Miller High Life spot. If you didn’t laugh, you have other issues. If you didn’t see it, well, you blew it. You almost had to see it in the context of the entire commercial break, but here it is on YouTube.

Last note about the ads – are we back in the ‘80s with this 3-D stuff?

Onto a couple side notes that came up during the game. Did anyone else notice that huge patch on the left arm of Edgerrin James? I never saw a good, clean shot of it by the camera guy, which essentially allow me to really believe what I first thought: It was an oversized nicotine patch. Come on, you know Edge rolls with a soft pack of Newport’s. It just makes sense. He’d be taking pulls on the sideline if he could.

Moving on with a few other things I remember … noticing the rather pubic-hair-looking face of Troy Polamalu; wondering what barbells LaMarr Woodley uses for curls in the weight room because his arms are abnormally girth-y; dreaming that a combination of Anquan Boldin and Byron Leftwich would make me interested in the Bears next season; and wondering why I don’t have much material on John Madden after a four-hour broadcast.

Butler Road Trip

Have you ever been more bored during a game that was tied with under five minutes to play than Friday’s win over Valpo? Gosh that was difficult to watch. It wasn’t even a situation where I was sitting there worrying about whether or not Butler was going to pull it out. It was more just thinking if this was finally going to be the day were they laid an egg, similar to the game against Detroit a few weeks ago.

I personally don’t think Butler will stumble during the three-game, six-night road trip this week. But, if they do drop a game in conference play, I also think that this will be the time it will happen. Best chance of that will be tonight at Green Bay, a team that from what I’ve seen is the only group in the conference that can remotely compete on talent alone. And don’t get too big for your britches when the Dogs crack the top 10. How would you like to be going through the Big East right now? Ask Notre Dame and Georgetown.

Predicting the future is not really my thing, but sometimes it’s easy to see the biggest weaknesses. Weaknesses that will ultimately be the downfall if something doesn’t get fixed. I have two right now with this Butler team. One, Ron Nored and Co. driving somewhere near the free-throw line and not being able to see closed passing lanes (AKA dumb turnovers). And two, extremely poor shot selection – the wrong people taking shots too often and too early in the shot clock. I hope I’m wrong, I really do.

Tune in on Thursday and feel free to comment or e-mail me at thefuncarblog@yahoo.com. Another mailbag would be good. Cheers.

The 2009 Super Bowl Extravaganza

2009-01-29T09:33:00.000-08:00

Since I can’t seem to come up with anything concrete for this Super Bowl Extravaganza column, I have decided to offer you a series of completely random thoughts and observations. As always, some things will be quite specific … others, well, probably won’t make much sense. I’ll wrap it up with the final “Fun Picks from The Fun Car.” As always, enjoy the ride.

You know you have a gambling problem when you bet on … the coin toss; the over/under on the number of flashbulbs popping during the opening kick; which hat/shirt combo Mike Tomlin is going to wear; how many players with visible dreads under their helmet will see the field in the first half; the time the clock reads when John Madden makes his first Tom Brady reference; the time the clock reads when John Madden mentions that Brett Farve gives him butterflies; how many times Steelers manchild linebacker LaMarr Woodley picks up Kurt Warner and throws him; and last but no least, the over/under on how many whiskeys it appears Bruce Springsteen has had by the halftime show.

Speaking of John Madden, I’ve always been quite entertained by him providing rather colorful color analysis. Know why? Since he doesn’t offer anything of any value, I can actually just watch the game and laugh every once in a while when I catch a, “You know, Al, with that offside penalty, Kurt Warner now only has to manage a 3rd-and-3 instead of 3rd-and-8.”

One thing I know I’m looking forward to: Watching how the Pittsburgh secondary covers, handles, and tries to take Larry Fitzgerald out of the game. That’s one of the best single match-ups that I’ve seen on paper in a while.

One thing I know I’m not looking forward to: hearing Madden and Al Michaels bring up the Kurt Warner for the Hall of Fame debate. That has to win this year’s “Please, God, Make it Stop” story before the Super Bowl. There’s always one.

That reminds me, something about the two-week gap leading up to this year’s game is different for me. I spend, um, a good amount of time in my room – where I feature over-the-air TV without the convenience of a cable hookup. The one bedroom in the place with no cable. Turns out that’s a beautiful thing … without Chris Berman, Trey Wingo, Chris Mortensen and the gang, I feel suddenly smarter. And by the way, Trey Wingo is definitely working his way up the “Most Annoying Anchors” list. Berman will forever be on top and that’s not debatable.

Everyone always gets all giddy over the Super Bowl commercials. Last year, there were about two good ones. I find myself paying attention less and less the past three or four years. See, the advertising firms and writers have actually outdone themselves. Ads have gotten too good for the other 364 days of the year. Either that or I watch way too much TV. Not sure.

Is Barack Obama going to host the pregame show, then sing the National Anthem, followed by flipping the coin toss, booting opening kick, and finally putting on some pads after halftime to become the hero who wins the game as Arizona’s QB after Warner gets hurt? Well, he is quite the savior, right?

(Side note: completely unrelated to the Super Bowl, that comment about Obama reminded me of when I flicked past NBC’s “Meet The Press” last Sunday morning. I love how, along with the Obama family’s constant appearances on “Entertainment Tonight” and the like, political pundits are now providing analogies about our country’s interrogation guidelines with the TV series “24.” I heard it with my own two ears. This clown said something to the effect of, “Well, I think we have gone away from techniques like Jack Bauer.” What? Are you kidding me?)

Since the game is in Tampa, do you think the NFL arranged a little surprise to commemorate the first “overfeated” team in history, the 1976 Buccaneers at 0-14, and invite the 2008 Detroit Lions to join them on the field together before kickoff? What a collection that would be.

FUN PICKS FROM THE FUN CAR
(Sheridan’s Odds; USAToday.com 1/29)

Cardinals (+7) over Steelers (Sunday, 6:15 p.m. ET, NBC)
If I am allowed to tell the truth, I’m taking the points in this one simply because I want to root for Arizona. I can only hope they throw in Fitzgerald’s direction no less than 20 times, throw in trick play or two, and the Cardinal defense adds a minimum of two turnovers. Seriously, though, there is a much better chance of my grandma streaking across the 40-yard line during the second quarter. Go Cards.

House Call

2009-01-26T08:36:00.000-08:00

I won’t do this often, and haven’t done it yet, but I have to start off with a few house notes. Saying that makes it sound important … “house notes.”

First off, thanks to anyone who is actually reading this, coming back, commenting and all that good stuff. I would appreciate, particularly for the ButDogs crew of people, passing around the link if you feel it’s worth a damn to read. And yes, I request that in a selfish way. So what? I say that mostly because between pretty much now and the end of March, The Fun Car will be featuring pretty much a ButDogs love fest. Not much else going on.

Second, I will be going to a Monday-Thursday schedule for columns … simply because without football, well, just not as much that people care about. And frankly, considering I have about a dozen readers (I hope), twice a week seems about right.

(Side note: The other reason is that personally, I have to figure out what I’m doing with my life. Suggestions are welcome, and encouraged. At this point I’d consider many options, including babysitting or being a nanny.)

Parents Weekend

So the Christmas gift I gave to my parents turned out to be a pretty solid idea, if I do say so myself. I mention that because usually I’m not this good with gifts. Mom and dad came to Indy to witness Butler’s utter pounding of UW-Milwaukee on Saturday – supposedly the second or third “best” team in the Horizon League.

There’s a few things to talk about regarding the game, but first a few more important musings. I’ll start with suggesting catching a game at Hinkle in Section 29, Row AA. That’s front row of the east side balcony, pretty much right behind the hoop … solid vantage point, and considering the score, it was a great perk to listen to Brad Stevens do his thing on the sidelines. I vote his first-half technical to be the highlight of the season, thus far.

Even though there was a game going on, about half the time, mom was reaching into her purse to get the camera phone cranking. The worst moment? When she leaned over to my dad to make some comment – pretty standard – right when Gordo threw down the alley-oop from his buddy Shelvin. So much disappointment when the crowd blew up and they had no idea what happened, but I told them it’s OK … they’ll be doing that for the next four years, so just get used to it. I'll do my best to not go on and on about my boy Gordo again, but I'll just say that he could very well be the best all-around defender I have ever seen on a college b-ball court in my short lifetime.

A few more serious thoughts about the performance by the ButDogs. One, don’t get too excited about the performances by Shawn Vanzant and Grant Leiendecker. Just put the brakes on that one. It was kind of fun to see, in a strange way, but personally I know I don’t really want to see that again. Unless, of course, they’re up 25 in the second half. I’ll put it this way: My old man had never seen Vanzant play in person before, maybe once or twice on TV, and his direct quote to me in the middle of the game was, “He’s kind of spazzy, out of control the way he moves all the time.” Well said, dad. But I admit the depth was good to see in a pretty non-important kind of way.

Another thought, it has been brought up a few other places (most recently by ESPN’s Andy Katz) that the ButDogs now have to worry about complacency. That’s the type of stupid comment you make when you’re a national writer and don’t know much about the team, coach, players or program. It’s the type of comment you make when you’re writing a “Saturday Wrap-Up” column and you just need to find something short and “meaningful” to say about Butler. Gimme a break. Has that ever been a problem in the past? Even if they lose one or two games in the conference, will that matter? No. And no again. Butler’s success or failure will not come down to complacency. Please.

That will about wrap it up for another cheerful Monday. Tune on on Thursday for a Super Bowl Extravaganza and feel free to comment or email me at thefuncarblog@yahoo.com with anything useless or somewhat funny. Cheers.

Reality show special

2009-01-23T08:49:00.000-08:00

So a couple weeks ago, myself and a friend were having, um, the type of conversation we normally have. You know, excessive tangents and usually quite crude analogies and such. We may or may not talk about women every now and then. But I feel like I should also say that he is a minority. Awkward silence after the PC term …

I mention that piece of it because, as a white guy, having a true friend who can just as soon make degrading comments about my heritage is something you can’t really compare anything to. I make Mexican jokes, he comes back with something revolving around kilts and potatoes. Two white guy friends could never do this. And yes, if you are a follower of this column, this is the same guy who has the bagpipe ring tone for me.

This particular conversation we somehow ended up on the topic of reality TV shows, something about just the general awfulness of it all. Don’t get me wrong, I have been sucked into a few myself over the years, but most of them are there solely to make fun of. Well, doing our racial joke routine yet again, we started thinking up reality shows with overtones … funny ones.

You tell me, what could be more realistic than taking a “typical” bar-scene-type white guy – decked out in his khaki shorts, t-shirt and flip flops – and dropping him in the middle of South Central L.A..? Think of the possibilities here people. Having a true wing man in the ghetto, he could be adopted by a small group and taught the ropes … with obvious tests along the way, hoping to gain street cred.

Similar scenario, take a middle age Mexican gentleman who doesn’t speak much English and toss him in the classic “cubical office” with mostly white guys and ladies. He would be a mid-level Account Rep type, having to go through several types of business meetings while trying to overcome all the stereotypes. And the catch could be that, his prior manual labor skills somehow save the day when the building endures a somewhat minor disaster. Eduardo comes through!

I could go on and on, but I really think it’s worth looking into. Somehow the producers could twist the teases and themes to revolve around “America finding its true identity” so that advertisers would flock to it. Viewers would come by the millions to see something they have never seen before. If anyone knows someone at the networks, feel free to pass along my name and they can thank me later.

Big Weekend

Anyone remember what I said about Butler on Monday? Maybe I was right about something. Yet again Thursday night, the ButDogs were nice to Wisconsin Green-Bay by not showing up for the first half, eventually pulling away 68-59. Its kind of like a cat who finds a mouse and gets him trapped, but just kinda plays with it for an hour before actually killing it.

I wasn’t at Hinkle last evening, but I sent a few texts with my free season ticket partner – one of them being about six minutes into the second half when every Butler fan knew exactly what was going on. My text read: “See what happens when your best three players are the only ones who shoot? Genius!”

The ButDogs now have a two-game cushion in the loss column in the current standings of the vaunted Horizon League. I’m willing to say that this one is over, folks. Even if Butler loses two conference games, there is no way anyone else is running the table. Try to argue otherwise.

Butler’s little stepbrother, Wisconsin-Milwaukee, is scheduled to show up at Hinkle for a 2 p.m. tip tomorrow in a contest of the top two in the conference standings. There is only one important thing about this game: I was tipped off a few weeks ago by my buddy at the Horizon League Network that UWM features a JuCo transfer who goes by the name of “Big Thunder.” I expect a cheer for the fella. He’s listed at 6-7, 340 and apparently is pretty soft on his feet. And he even chucks 3s (22-59 on the season). Now this is going to be something to see. Photos to come on Monday, stay tuned.

The Devil appears

2009-01-19T09:17:00.000-08:00

OK, no more Tim Tebow. I get it. First column on Friday that didn’t have a comment on it … safe to say the handful of readers may actually agree on something. So I’ll move on.

While sitting face up at the bar on Saturday night, I was introduced to Tucker Max – an extremely offensive, distasteful and hilarious writer. Apparently I’m way behind the curve on this, but supposedly his narratives on his own sexcapades are really true. True on not, I sat there with my buddy’s iPhone to may face giggling for a solid five minutes.

We then proceeded to have a couples glasses of The Devil’s Piss, as Max calls it, which also goes by Red Bull-Vodka. Simply put, the stuff will give you the worst hangover possible … but that’s why I don’t drink it anymore, for the most part. Well I did, and that leads me to Sunday.

I’ve become ashamed of hangovers, but once again, football saved me. Gambling aside, those were two kind of surprisingly classic games to watch. And once and for all – finally, I’m on the Arizona bandwagon. If they’ll still let me on.

Last night, after Troy Polamalu went the other way for six to seal the deal for Pittsburgh, I was pretty convinced that I was watching the best collective defense I have ever seen in my somewhat brief football viewing career. I don’t enjoy admitting it, but I think it’s better than the Bears’ D two years ago – and I was only three years old when the ’85 Bears were doing their thing. I was convinced after that pick, but it had more to do with the performance of their secondary as a whole, especially in the second half. They were laying people out, even the corners. To me that’s a pretty good sign.

Put that on top of seeing Larry Fitzgerald be a complete freak against the Eagles, putting him on a completely different level than any of his peers or dudes that attempt to cover him, and it turned into a day definitely worth remembering. How could you not love to root for the Cardinals? It kind of makes you feel like a kid again, you should try it.

There were several times in the fourth quarter where you could just see that Arizona was going to win that game, and none were more apparent than the visual display of Brian Dawkins getting run over multiple times by, um, Tim Hightower. Dawkins used to not fall backwards, be he was the one falling that way on Arizona’s clinching touchdown. It was like you could literally see the old team surrendering to the team of destiny. What classic viewing, I tell you.

And when Fox came back from commercial, Joe Buck opened by asking, “Was there ever a drive that could potentially put a guy in the Hall of Fame?” If it made sense to respond to a question with a statement, this would be a perfect time to say, “You’re exactly right, Joe.” Think of Kurt Warner a couple years ago in a Giants uniform. Could you ever have seen this happening? And more important, why haven’t we seen Fox make cuts to Matt Leinart standing on the sidelines? So many things to love about this team. Stay tuned the next couple weeks for more Super Bowl fun.

Second half ButDogs

As painful as it was to see Butler chuck an ungodly amount of 3s in the first half at UIC on Saturday, most thrown up there by guys you’d rather not shoot them, this team just continues to show that its talent is too much to handle in this conference – even when they play like a high school team for a half.

I’m starting to just appreciate this team for what they are – an extremely raw and talented bunch who seems to rise the occasion more often than not. But also a team who is going to make stupid mistakes and really frustrate you at times. It officially makes it the most interesting team to watch that maybe we've ever seen at Butler.

And I can’t help but say that my man crush on “Gordo” continues to grow. You know what I’ve realized the past few weeks? When I watched him play a handful of times last year at Brownsburg, he was nowhere near this good. He didn’t even come close to dominating and taking over games like he’s doing right now. I’m the first one to admit that I never expected him to create so many problems on defense while making you say “wow” with his inside-outside game on the offensive end. But that’s exactly what he’s doing.

And I feel like Shelvin Mack needs some type of nickname or description. Any thoughts? On a relative off night, the kid posted 18 points, eight boards and eight assists on Saturday. And Gordo just keeps taking his glory. Something like “The Shadow,” but cooler than that. Or maybe the two of them could just be Batman and Robin. Let’s see where this goes.

Say it ain't so, Timmy T.

2009-01-16T08:34:00.000-08:00

For as good as Saturday afternoons in the fall usually turn out, it never seems to fail that the college football season always just fades off … lost, just like every other sport, in the domination by the NFL and its take-no-prisoners empire. End of the regular season, eight teams fighting for two playoff spots, and then just a week later it’s pure chaos. And you want me to watch or care about bowl games?

It’s much like the 5-10, 325-pound, middle-age white guy at the China buffet who can overshadow any other face-stuffer in the place. When everyone else is done, he’s going back for one more plate of egg rolls, pot stickers and chicken on a stick. Damn it, that’s what he came for, and he’s going to put it away. The NFL is what people came for, and when it comes down to crunch time, that’s what we are going to consume in mass amounts.

And you know what else? It sucks. I wish it wasn’t that way. We all know there’s only one way to change that, either a six or eight team playoff, but that’s not even worth discussing here. This is more about a realization I have had since the college season disappeared. We’ll wrap it up with my Conference Championship weekend picks.

Bowling over

Something sticks out like a sore thumb, and I know I’m probably not the first one to say it: When Tim Tebow announced that he’s coming back for his senior year, it was some of the worst sports news I have heard in quite some time. I didn’t really know where to put it on the list, but I’m thinking that it has to be right below Jordan’s final comeback with the Wizards. For different reasons mostly.

After listening to Fox play-by-play guru Thom Brennaman rave about Tebow for a solid 15-minute stretch of the National Title Game, I sat there and thought if I were a first time viewer or didn’t know much about him (which is almost not humanly possible, I know), I’d think he was some type of prophet or something. THE SINGLE GREATEST HUMAN COLLEGE FOOTBALL HAS EVER SEEN, LADIES AND GENTLEMAN.

But, much more importantly, what the hell is going to happen next season? How will the talking heads possibly cover him? Where is this going to lead? Is he going to get his own reality show? Are we all going to start turning to Gainesville, Fla. when we pray? There are so many questions, all of them I wish I didn’t have to ask.

And you know what else? Staying at Florida was the dumbest decision Tebow could have made. If he comes out this season, someone would be dumb enough to take a third-round flyer on the kid. He would go through one training camp as a QB, then get moved to H-back or tight end and that will be that. Instead, he’ll get exposed even more as an NFL prospect. Good call, Timmy T. There is almost nothing good that can come from this entire situation. The truth of the matter is that in two years, nobody will even care who he is.

Meanwhile, speaking of not really caring, Michigan’s freshman YouTube sensation Sam McGuffie has gotten homesick (from Texas) and is transferring out. There is no need to pile on the kid, but since he had a bunch of no-talent lineman in front of him, he got his bell rung quite often this season. That ended with three concussions … so is it homesick, or headsick?

Either way, I’m not even sure if it matters. What does matter is that Michigan’s non-existent defensive coordinator from last season, Scott Shafer, resigned. He was quoted by ESPN.com’s Adam Rittenberg as saying, “I take full responsibility for the demise of where Michigan’s program is at this time.” I can’t even chew on that right now.

FUN PICKS FROM THE FUN CAR
(Sheridan’s odds; USAToday.com 1/16; Home team in caps)

Eagles (-3.5) over CARDINALS (Sunday, 3 p.m. ET on Fox)
You know it’s a bad thing when your first thought about a game is, “How did these two teams even make it here in the first place?” I’m not sure, in my relatively short gambling career, if I’ve ever been more flustered by a game. And what should you normally do in that situation? Take the points. But nope, not here. Not in The Fun Car. I think I’ll just call it “Opposite Sunday.” The thing is, I’m pretty sure I see this one being close to a blowout either way, so I’m picking the team I think has the better chance to blow the other out. Good thinking? Probably not, but I’m not exactly feeling good about myself after last weekend. I think there is a decent enough chance that Philly comes out and gets a few quick defensive stops by blitzing Kurt Warner until he cries, maybe a defensive score, and a couple long plays from Donovan to DeSean. Light it up!

STEELERS (-1.5) over Ravens (Sunday, 6:30 ET on CBS)
I suppose I should just keep betting against the Ravens and hope they lose at some point. But seriously, I love the Steelers here. Maybe even in a big way, such as winning by 14 or 21 points. Listen, for all of you that didn’t watch how the Titans marched the ball on a relatively tired Raven defense last week, and didn’t see how the Steelers are finally healthy on offense with a balanced attack and Willie Parker making a difference again – open your eyes. I also noticed something else a bit surprising … I’ve never been a huge Big Ben fan (although I don’t dislike him), but he was throwing a heck of a deep ball against the Chargers. He threw a handful of deep routes right on the money – really impressive tosses, and I think he will connect on one or two of those again. Write it down, take the Steelers and thank me later. Cheers.

Moving Down Under

2009-01-14T08:17:00.000-08:00

Does anyone understand how you know when you’ve not had a job for way too long? It’s when twice in one day, you get separate emails from separate friends saying apply to this right here.

That could be the entire thought for the day, I could just leave it at that, but hey – I’ve got nothing better to do, other than apply to The World’s Greatest Job. And let’s be honest, you know and I know that I’ll be sending some materials to somebody important.

Funny thing is, and one of the guys who sent it to me already knew, I’ve stayed on an island about a quarter mile from where this “Great Barrier Reef Media Dude” would be posting up. The gig is on Hamilton Island, which my catamaran pulled up to for a few hours one afternoon. Everyone gets around on golf carts … it’s the most touristy spot in the tropical fantasy of the Whitsunday Islands off the northeast coast of Australia.

This little stop during the greatest five-month span of my life “studying abroad” in Sydney (early ’04) has led me to this moment, where destiny could lead me back there. Think about it, what a Hollywood narrative that would be. It’s the opposite of “Castaway” where I would just be livin’ the dream, after getting tossed from a career covering high school sports in the middle of Indiana. How does this not work out for me?

OK, now that that’s settled, let’s get on to some Big Ten buckets. Essentially, I offer some observation from afar … I’ve watched a handful of games, caught parts about every team, and this is really the first year in quite a while where I’ve had some interest in the conference.

Much like in football, Big Ten hoops has been noticeably below average for an extended period of time. And b-ball can’t survive a bad product the way football can – just ask the Illini, where despite being 14-2, they haven’t been able to fill Assembly Hall for most of the season. And the terribly constructed Assembly Hall in Bloomington, Ind., has been a melting pot for pure stink all season and IU has shut down the upper tank, I’ve heard. But you can be sure all those mouth breathers will be back next season with the Hooisers’ top five class coming in.

Looking at the standings and all the team records is a little bit of a tease, which I could make an analogy for that would probably be inappropriate. I’m not even close to being sold on Illinois, Ohio State, Penn St., and even Wisconsin somewhat. Not to mention Michigan, who despite some really sexy wins, still seem to not show up sometimes (Re: overtime win over Indiana).

The A-Rod Award for “Most disappointing in big games” goes to Purdue, who really just has been disappointing all around. But I still think my guy Matt Painter can turn this thing around if they get healthy and lose the “We think we’re better than we are” attitude by the tourney. I like Painter … he’s really one of the few that can pull off the glossy slicked back look. I respect that.

Which brings me to the two teams I see as the front runners so far – the two scratch golfers who aren’t getting any strokes. One is a mainstay, Michigan State, but the sleeper is the Go-phers (long ‘o’) and the one and only Tubby Smith. If you think the guy can’t coach, you’re wrong. If they can win some close games down the stretch, I just like the way they play from the little snips I’ve seen.

Here is the other thing I’m really starting to be impressed by in the Big Ten: the coaches. Being a maize and blue guy, I can’t help but start to develop some feelings for John Beilein. I know Iowa sucks, but I watched most of that game Sunday (and unexpected part of the 36 hours of viewing pleasure) and Michigan’s zone defense is kinda fun to watch. That’s not to mention the aforementioned Smith and Painter, to go along with Tom Izzo, Bo Ryan, the golden brown toned Tom Crean, and Thad Matta. That’s leaving out Mr. High Pitch at Illinois, who is a decent coach himself (just can’t recruit). What about Todd Lickliter? Hmmm … not exactly sold on him.

But that’s a pretty good list of coaches, right? I’d put that up against any conference, but I think the Big East would take ‘em partly due to shear numbers. The talent in the Big Ten still needs to get better, which it’s starting to, but better coaches help attract that. Especially when they’ve got nice hair like Painter, a nice tan like Crean, and solid dance moves like Ryan.

Lots of viewing pleasure

2009-01-13T08:23:00.000-08:00

This past weekend, I went to my brother’s apartment on the north side of Chicago for 36 hours of Sony Bravia NFL Playoff Viewing, and a few libations as well. Sony didn’t sponsor that lead to today’s Fun Car (I’m not quite there yet), but if the game is shot on a Sony, shouldn’t you be watching it on a Sony?

I say yes … and we were. Fifty-two inches of goodness, to be exact, and it was literally a two thirds upright position for the better part of that 36 hours. We did leave to go out Saturday night, but that was the exception to the rule.

Several comments and questions were thrown out, obviously, and the things discussed ranged from my brother literally conversing with James Brown during that Sony promo, to how short and squatty the Giants’ offensive line really is, to how unbelievably hot the brunette from "Gary Unmarried" is. Who is she? There's no research department here.

(Detour: Meanwhile, I went 0-4 on my bets and for my first and only official meltdown of the season, at the worst possible time and the worst possible weekend. I’m not losing cold hard cash, it’s just a rather expensive season-long pool. Yeah, that almost makes me feel better about it. I even went against my Arizona pick in last Wednesday’s column. I’ve said it before and I’ll say it again: I’m just a dope. It was just a kick to the face really.)

One of the better conversations revolved around the odd torso shape of Ray Lewis, who is sporting a bit of a belly now at 34 years old. That got me thinking the Middle Linebacker Belly was more of a trend rather than just Ray.

Let’s think about it. Being holed up here in Indy, the first guy who came to mind was Gary Brackett. That is the shortest and pudgiest NFL linebacker I’ve personally ever seen, both in pads and out of pads. Back in my valet parking days, the guy stepped out of his SUV and I wouldn’t have know the difference if Marlin Jackson wasn’t getting out of the Escalade behind him. Seriously, I’m 5-9 and I was eye to eye with Brackett, and my gut was not much bigger.

Then, watching the Giants-Eagles snooze fest, I was reminded of the little pouch that Antonio Pierce is carrying. Is three a trend? And is there any explanation for this, other than the fact that they eat burritos at 3 a.m. a couple times a week? More important, add to the list if you think you have a linebacker guilty of this infraction.

Mojo Risin’

If you’ve ever seen the episode of “Family Guy” where Peter gets his own theme music, then this will make more sense. But still, don’t you think that some things just need theme music?

I can’t figure out why, but every once in a while, the process of doing a task has reminded me of a certain song … and it thus becomes theme music. This morning, I went online to check out the college hoops rankings this week and went to find the ButDogs at No. 17 in the AP and No. 18 in the Coaches’ Poll.

Then it hit me. The Doors have put out some classics, but this was a perfect fit for hearing Jim Morrison in the background, starting low and quiet into the crescendo …

“Mo-jo ri-sin’ … keep the mojo risin’ … mo-jo ri-sin’ … keep on risin’ … MO-JO RI-SIN’! … KEEP ON RI-SIN’! …RISIN’ RISIN’!”

No, I’m not on any psychedelics today. But yes, going to check the polls to see the ButDogs creep their way up now has its own theme music.

The only game I’ve missed all season was last Saturday’s “What the hell was that?” showing against Detroit, yet the ButDogs escaped at home. Just one of those games that doesn’t look good on paper, which frankly, most of the people voting only see most games on paper.

And you know, that’s exactly why the top-25 really doesn’t mean squat. How did that ranking work out for Butler last year? Got them a 7-seed. And that didn’t matter either. But, what I will say is that the ranking is one of the best things for the program. They can do things like have Brad Stevens ask in a radio commercial if the reason you like Butler basketball is because of “the consistent top-25 ranking.”

But on a more serious note, a top-25 ranking legitimizes a mid major program. If they can stay there consistently, which the ButDogs now have for the past two-plus years, then it puts them on a different level. It helps recruit a different kind of player … don’t kid yourself if you think “The Butler Way” is the top reason Shelvin Mack, Gordon Hayward, Matt Howard came to play at Hinkle.

After this season, pretty much no matter how deep this team goes in the tourney, you can put them right there with Gonzaga as the class of college basketball outside the power conferences. And I’m just using that as a classification, not in a demeaning way.

Tomorrow I’ll change it up a little and talk some Big Ten hoops and we’ll see what else. Trying to stick on the Monday-Wednesday-Friday, but man, sometimes the day just gets away from me.

Friday Funbag for all

2009-01-09T10:31:00.000-08:00

No, not those kind of funbags. That’s on a different site. But there is no reason to try to reinvent the wheel here … welcome to the inaugural Funbag, a mailbag of sorts where I get to kindly respond to the comments and e-mails from my fellow degenerates. I figure most of you will be involved in some way … if there are 10 people reading this and I use six or seven comments from past columns, then I’d say this is a pretty reader-friendly idea. I’m here for the people.

Without further ado, hope this can waste some time on a soft Friday at the office.

From Beth: “In my first newspaper job, I lost my dignity covering FFA Day (Future Farmers of America) at Jay County High School. They drove their tractors to school.”
DM: Yeah, you’re definitely on to something here. I made the drive to Jay County H.S. once myself, which really leads to the bigger picture: If you’re not from the country, then driving through the country will harden you. Plain and simple. You start to appreciate things like gas stations, well-marked roads that don’t change names three times in a 20 mile stretch, and being generally lost with much less sense of direction. Make one wrong turn and you end up in places you never knew existed … which is frustrating because you’ve never heard of the place you’re supposed to be going either.

From BCrone: “Nice read, but I have to disagree (Shelvin) Mack having quicker hands than TJ (Thomas Jackson). I have played against both and I definitely think Mack will get there. I don’t think he’s there yet!”
DM: BCrone? As in Brandon Crone? Thanks for reading … now I’m putting out an official APB for you. I’m not on the message board so I’m not sure where you are playing these days ... has “The Fun Car” gone international already? Still playing across the pond?
I can’t really sit here and disagree with you, well, because I haven’t played against Mack and TJ. I think I could take ‘em though, but that’s another story. Someone forward this to Mr. Crone … we can do an interview, something like “Brandon Crone’s Top European Party Cities.” Now that would be a good read. Either way, I love former ButDog hoopers reading this brainwashing column. It’s fantastic.

From Jay, before the NFL playoffs started: “Good NFL thoughts. In the Colts case, one could employ the “Good teams find a way to win” argument, but I think that you are on the money … the Colts will be back to their familiar tradition of being overrated and choking in the playoffs. That is all I want for Christmas.”
DM: Merry Christmas, Jay. Sorry it’s a little late, but no less deserved. It’s not often I’m “on the money” about much, but the Colts essentially kept pace with themselves, so to speak. But first off, let me say that Colts fans around here need to just have a seat and take a deep breath. Remember the ‘90s? Were most of you “fans” then? You’ve made the playoffs for freaking 10 straight years. You won a Super Bowl. You have (soon had) a coach that people bow down to. You just got a brand new stadium. You have jerseys that all of you seem to love. You have Peyton. And you were stupid enough to believe that the Colts were much better than they actually were this season. In fact, it’s eerily similar to some Bears fans that drank the Kool-Aid and were disappointed when the team overachieved and fought for a playoff spot. I’m thankful, and a bit humbly proud, that I drank beer instead of Kook-Aid.

From Joe: “The Colts got screwed by the two worst rules in the NFL. First of all, why the hell do the Colts have to travel to .500 San Diego. Then they get screwed by the overtime policy of the NFL that puts more weight on the flip of a coin than the play of a team.”
DM: My previous point exactly. No, Joe, the Colts actually got screwed because they had an incredibly soft run defense and an offensive line that couldn’t create open running lanes to save their backside. It’s honestly not any more complicated than that.

From Josh: “I think it’s pretty clear that any success (Brad) Stevens has had is the direct result of his excellent DePauw education.”
DM: I’ve never heard a more objective statement in my life. You DePauw grads are quite the confident bunch, if I do say so. And I have to ask, what do you think when you see your former college buddy on the sidelines of a Top 25 team?
Listen, I like Stevens. He is a big reason why this team starting three froshies is 13-1 at the moment. But I will say, in confidence to my free season ticket partner who I sit with at the games, the offensive rotations and general decision-making is getting a little out of hand. It’s hard to be too frustrated after the team won its 15^th straight league game last night and beat Wright State by 16, but there are some glaring things that need to stop sooner rather than later. Here they are:

- Avery Jukes must stop shooting 3’s, and he must stop getting thrown the ball in the post just so it can hit his hands and turn into a loose ball.

- Grant Leiendecker, he’s probably a great guy, but his minutes are far from justified. If he is supposed to be a shooter off the bench, then 26 percent from behind the arc just isn’t going to cut it.

- The turnovers and bad shots on the offensive end need to be heavily reduced. What’s frustrating is that earlier in the year, a few players were quotes as saying that Stevens just tells them to keep shooting if they are open – if they don’t fall, then they will soon. I’m paraphrasing obviously, but that’s just a little concerning.

From Greg: “Apparently your terrible Michigan ring tone you had for years was free. You need to spend money on some of that stuff we used to eat back in the day. What’s that called again?”

DM: Listen Notre Dame boy, yes it was free. And I’m not sure what that stuff was called … fruit roll-ups maybe?

From Anonymous: “An iPod changed my life. Get one. You heard it here first. Falcons/Colts Super Bowl next year. The Mike Shanahan-led Colts will gallop through the postseason, only to clash with league MVP Matt Ryan – the first quarterback to start all 16 games and beef less than five interceptions. Do you ever feel guilty for living on my social security?”
DM: Oh, where to start. First off, do you not have a name? I guess not, so we’ll just call you Johnny Prognosticator. A guy who found the true meaning of an iPod. A guy who apparently was under a rock about a year ago when Jim Caldwell was named the next coach of your beloved Horse. A guy who apparently missed Matt Ryan throwing two interceptions against one of the worst pass defenses in the league last week. A guy who apparently didn’t get the memo about the Colts being old and slow on offense, and too small and soft on defense. A guy who just asked me if I felt guilty for losing my job and taking money from a Democratic government. And this whole time I just assumed this comment came from a guy. I don’t think a lady could be that big of a dope.

My ring tone says I'm cool

2009-01-07T11:37:00.000-08:00

Let me preface this by first saying that it’s pretty clear how far from perfect I am when it comes to managing money. I’m working on it.

That said, for whatever reason, there are certain things that I simply refuse to spend money on. Most of them are stupid things (maybe less than five bucks) but it’s more just the concept that whatever the thing might be, I don’t really need it. But what’s important is what ends up making this list – it’s different for every person, and I’d think most people have some form of this rationality in your brain.

Just go with me here, this will all hopefully make sense in a minute. For example, one of the first things on my personal “I’m Not Spending Money On This List” is actually not a cheap item – it’s an iPod. I might be the one dude under 30 that doesn’t have one. It’s just something I’ve lived without, well, forever, so it doesn’t bother me. Why? Not worth the bare minimum of spending 200 bucks off the bat. I mostly listen to talk radio … I could go on with answers (excuses), but that’s not much fun.

Then there are small things on the list, fairly inconsequential when it comes down to it. Ever since I was the last one of my friends, and acquaintances, to get a cell phone when I was a sophomore in college, I have absolutely refused to pay money for ring tones. Come on, it’s just stupid. It’s a phone, and it rings, and you answer it. For 99 cents, I would rather do a lot of things – such as visit the Wendy’s dollar menu. Or just be happy with using whatever is on the phone when you get it, and being a dollar heavier.

Here’s the whole point: my buddy out in Arizona has always bought ring tones, and I’ve never really told him that I think it’s dumb. That all changed yesterday when he called me from his work phone, and then proceeded to play the classic bagpipes version of “Amazing Grace” that blows up every time I call him. Easily the best ring tone I have ever heard, hands down, and it frankly made me feel damn proud that it was mine. I’ve loved that song, and the bagpipes, since I was a wee lad. And it all culminated at 25 years old with my own bagpipe ring tone.

What I’m saying is that we all need to be flexible. I hated ring tones, and now a phone call from me sets off the best damn one in the land. So things on the “I’m Not Spending Money On This List” are capable of coming and going, but it’s rare.

It’s kind of like your own personal list of rules for betting/picking NFL playoff games: You have to remain flexible, literally all the way up until kickoff. I didn’t follow this rule last week and it cost me. This often happens when you make picks early in the week, like I’m about to below, and I’m just glad to have that excuse before I actually decide. Last week it cost me when I inexplicably bet on the Tavaris Jackson-led Vikings, and also right before kickoff of the Colts game when I realized they weren’t very good, on the road, and they would probably lose – even though I had already bet on them. What a terrible gut feeling. Should have remained flexible, should have remained flexible.

FUN PICKS FROM THE FUN CAR: NFL DIVISIONAL PLAYOFFS
(Danny Sheridan’s odds; USAToday.com 1/7; Home team in caps)

TITANS (-3) over Ravens (Saturday, 4:30 p.m. ET)
Let’s just say that this would be the time to bet against a rookie QB (Joe Flacco) who is going on the road for the second straight week in his first playoff season. And Flacco’s Ravens are playing a team that’s, well, not only two steps up from Miami, but also better than them. The second reason I’m going to take the Titans would be the fact that I’ve got quite the soft spot for Jeff Fisher. It’s something that has developed over time, much like an appreciation for good hops and barley. If Norv Turner is Natural Light, then Jeff Fisher is, say, Stella or Oberon. When you have the choice, and have the extra buck and a half to spend on a pint, no question you’re asking for option No. 2. Hard to believe Fisher has been in the league for 37 years already. Perhaps it’s more around 15 years with the same franchise … but somehow he is still just 38 years old. Right?

Cardinals (+9.5) over PANTHERS (Saturday, 8:15 p.m. ET)
Arizona is not winning this game. Just to set that straight. But I just see this one being decided more in the four to seven point range. And to give credit where credit is due, I’m going to refer back to Bill Simmons’ Playoff Manifesto (his playoff betting rules, for those of you who don’t know or care). His deal is when a playoff line is 10 or more points, you take the points and just roll with it. I’m going to move forward with that theory here. Thanks Bill.

In other news, the Cardinals have stunk when traveling to the East Coast this season. Oh-and-five, to be exact:
L 24-17 @ Washington
L 56-35 @ NY Jets
L 27-23 @ Carolina
L 48-20 @ Philadelphia
L 47-7 @ New England

GIANTS (-4.5) over Eagles (Sunday, 1 p.m. ET)
The Eagles are getting a lot of love the past few weeks, and I can’t really figure out why. Feel free to try to explain it to me if you like. They were dead in the water, needed a combination over about nine different losses by other teams just to make the playoffs, and then beat a Minnesota team who started probably the second worst QB in the league. The lack of a meaningful running game in short-yardage situations will cost Philly in this game, unlike at Minnesota. The Giants will score enough points, maybe even a defensive TD, in a 20-13 game. I know Andy Reid’s stupidity didn’t used to cost his team until the conference title game, but this year it’s a week earlier.

Chargers (+6) over STEELERS (Sunday, 4:45 p.m. ET)
This is a make-up bet if I’ve ever seen one. I feel bad about not taking San Diego last week, I really do. I knew better than that. So, in the hopes of redemption, I’ll take the points in spite of an alarmingly decisive coaching advantage for the Steelers. That’s an understatement when Norv Turner is on the sidelines. Norv ... AKA, Natural Light. Still, though, I see a low scoring game where the points are too valuable to lay six. Come on, Norv, just don’t screw it up for me. I know that’s asking a lot.

We're back, after these messages

2009-01-05T10:56:00.000-08:00

So can we all just take a deep breath, please? All together now … good. And I’ve never even done yoga before.

The circus road show through Christmas, New Year’s and The Phantom Week In Between have officially been left behind – most likely with a smile on your face.

That is, of course, unless you’re a Bears fan. Or a Colts fan. Or a Lions fan, bless your heart. In any of those cases, I bet you still wish they were running “A Christmas Story” marathon on TBS. In the case of the Lions fan, I bet you just wish you had the Red Rider BB gun at an arm’s length. But we’ll get to the NFL a little later.

I’d rather get to the positive stuff first and get that out of the way. It’s pretty difficult to make any jokes about the Butler hoops team right now, who will now simply be referred to as the more commonly known (at least in my world) ButDogs.

The ButDogs, during my two-week hiatus from writing due to such a busy schedule, made fairly quick work of then-No. 12 (and somewhat overrated) Xavier on the road. They followed that up with a fairly nice win over UAB at Hinkle, seen by the maybe the biggest weeknight crowd I’ve seen at the old barn. Following Saturday night’s snooze-fest rally at Valpo, the ButDogs are now 10-1 and should bump into both polls when they are released tomorrow.

I still maintain my mancrush on frosh favorite Gordon Hayward, even while the opposition has stuck its best defender on the kid the past three or four games. “Gordo” (Spanish translation: Fat man. I say we roll with this.) has been able to hit the boards and play solid D while his buddy Shelvin Mack displays the textbook form on his jumper. But most important, they are finding ways to get Matt Howard more involved in the offense … and if the ball consistently works through those three, then I’m cool with that. Problem is, there are still too many lineup changes for this point of the season. Brad Stevens has my trust, but if there’s one thing that kind of makes me scratch my head, it’s some of the odd five-somes he puts on the floor at times.

While we’re here on this topic, there’s one trend with the ButDogs that is a little troublesome. It’s the turnovers – consistently making dumb decisions on the offensive end. I can liken it to the outgoing single guy who is great in social situations, meeting women, and his friends aren’t really afraid to set him up. Yet he continues to make little stupid mistakes along the way (not on purpose, usually without even knowing), with a girl who just might be take-home-to-mom quality in the long run. While the ButDogs have been winning so far, I get this eerie feeling that these stupid mistakes are going to be what does them in this March. Sorta like the myth of Mike Green last season.

For the time being, heading into conference play, I don’t see anyone in the Horizon league who can compete with them consistently. I say they lose two games in the conference, probably both on the road. That sounds a little familiar to last season, and a few other seasons, doesn’t it? But it’s different this time around, with this group, and I know I’m not the only one who feels that way. Group hug.

Shoot the college bowl season in the head

Thank you. It’s almost over, I promise. Tonight features a Texas team who got royally screwed by the BCS (and its own conference tiebreaker) against an Ohio St. team who really just kinda sucks in the Fiesta Bowl. Enjoy that one. And don’t forget to set your DVR on Tuesday night for the Too-Late-For-Bad-Teams Bowl when Ball St. squares off against Tulsa.

For someone like me, who pretty much has a girlfriend named College Football for five months a year, I feel like I shouldn’t ever have to wonder when the National Title game actually is. It’s like I have to set a reminder on my cell phone just because it’s about three months after the season ends. I tend to lose interest at that point, but that’s why God invented gambling. I’m not dead set on this yet, but I’m pretty sure I’ll be taking Oklahoma and the three points coming along with it.

The game is Thursday night, by the way, and I’m really looking forward to Fox’s continued BCS coverage using NFL personalities with remote memories of college glory days. Just think about it when you see this lineup of talking heads: Eddie George, Barry Switzer, Jimmy Johnson. When I heard that ESPN got the next contract for the BCS, it was the very first time I was happy about hearing ESPN covering anything.

NFL Playoffs: The good, bad, and ugly

In this past weekend’s Wild Card Round, here’s what happened in case you missed it: Arizona realized they could play run defense for a little bit and beat the Falcons; the Colts realized that most of their last nine games were a fallacy and their defense stinks when they lost to the Chargers; the Baltimore defense made a fool of Chad Pennington and then they made fun of Flipper at the postgame press conference; and Tavaris Jackson is unfortunately the Vikings’ starting QB, so they faded down the stretch against Philly.

Since I’ll be talking about the upcoming round of Division Championship games later this week, instead I’ll continue with a few rather meaningless observations from the Wild Card round. Watching the Eagles-Vikings game, I couldn’t help but want to put up a side-by-side of a walrus next to Andy Reid. Strikingly similar.

But while I was searching the internet for a photo of Reid, I came across this gem of Eagles receiver Hank Baskett’s girlfriend – Girl Next Door Kendra Wilkinson. It’s not that the photo itself is a gem, rather the fact that it’s concrete proof that professional athletes will always have an edge on the rest of us. Huge revelation, but there you have it. Hank freakin’ Baskett.

And, not to kick the Colts and their fans while they’re down, but I had a redeeming moment on Saturday night. I was sitting at my place with a couple guys watching the game, having a few Coors Lights while losing my bets on the Horse AND the over/under, and that’s when we decided to just head to the local Britton Tavern. Choice place, by the way (insert sarcastic joke here).

We got there with two minutes left in regulation, and I got to see the complete meltdown – from the tying field goal, the looming uneasy feeling about overtime, and then the money shot – when Darren Sproles did his best impersonation of a Smart car bobbing and weaving through traffic, into the end zone. Bummer, dude. Myself and one rather large fellow in an Antonio Gates jersey were the only two guys in the place with a grin. I felt safe thanks to him.

Lastly, if there is anyone that actually reads this damn thing, my plan is to now write every Monday, Wednesday and Friday. Hopefully something fresh around lunch time. Thanks for reading, feel free to comment or send me an e-mail at thefuncarblog@yahoo.com. Perhaps a mailbag on Friday, who knows. Cheers.

Thoughts, picks, and genearlly just a good time

2008-12-19T07:42:00.000-08:00

It's Friday, I ain't got no job, I ain't got $h!t to do. It's funny cause I can legitimately say that. My to-do lists on a daily basis are full of exciting and important stuff. Like today, I'm on a mission to find the most hideous Christmas sweater known to man for the standard yearly themed get-together. I swear everyone from the age of 23 to roughly 40 goes to an "Ugly Christmas Sweater Party" on an annual basis. I love the holidays.

For the most part, the holiday season can basically be highlighted by things such as driving (snow and traffic jams included), family fun, seeing out-of-town friends, indulging in a few adult beverages ... and repeat. Even for someone like me, who has "laundry" as the day's top priority once a week, there's a lot going on this time of year.

So, in honor of this somewhat spazzy (I know other people that say that word, but I don't think it's really a word) time of year, I unveil to you this week's random notebook. And we'll close with the second installment of "Fun Picks from The Fun Car", featuring the opening of the college bowl season along with Sunday's NFL goodies.

Last week, before the Colts played the Lions, I made a somewhat half-hearted comment to my buddy that without Peyton Manning, the Colts would be closer to looking like the Lions than most people would think. And after watching that game against Detroit - you know, the game where you weren't sure if the crowd was either napping or reading a good book - and then Thursday's uninspired comeback against the Jags, I think that sentiment about Manning and the team may be closer to true than false. I flicked past ESPN 1070 here in Indy last week and heard Indy Star columnist and afternoon show co-host Bob Kravitz say that the Colts are the hottest team in the NFL right now. And better yet, he said that they are the ONE team that anyone in the AFC wouldn't want to see in the playoffs. I find that opinion to be remarkably stupid. The only thing that would be remotely close to accurate would be saying that Manning is the one QB that you wouldn't want to see in the playoffs right now. Everyone knows I can't stand him, but I say he's the MVP of the league.

Ahh, and now I can move on to the beloved Bears. I just can't wait until Monday night's game means absolutely nothing after the Vikings win on Sunday. It's going to be great to turn on The Score in the car and hear the lowest common denominator say how beating the Packers is do or die, and it would save the season. Essentially, the Bears are an overachieving bad team. The amount of money they spent on the defense, in direct correlation with the product you see on the field on both sides of the ball, is absolutely incredible to me. Year after year, blah blah blah ...

Not sure if anyone outside of Indy actually heard about this or even cares, but former North Central H.S. and IU hooper Eric Gordon (now playing for the L.A. Clippers) made some headlines by saying that while at IU, some teammates were maybe twisting a joint in between classes and the like. He didn't exactly put it in those words, but his quote was a little too boring for me. I believe he said "did some drugs." Anyway, putting the actual drug issue aside, I was just kinda scratching my head at why he would say something like that at this point. I've interviewed the kid, saw him play a bunch in high school and was friends with many people that knew him well ... and what I'm trying to say is that he's the type of kid that would only share that for a reason. From all accounts that I know, he's a good guy with a good head, so tell me, why would he tell a reporter that a year later? That's a legitimate question, I think.

It's a (h)uge weekend in the NFL, which means it's time to turn off ESPN so that your brain doesn't become mush. In case you haven't heard, the No. 1 seed in the playoffs is up for grabs in each conference with the Steelers at the Titans (CBS, 1 p.m. est) and the Giants hosting the Panthers (NBC, 8:15 p.m. est). Picks on these games will be found below, but I'd just like to say that I'm glad neither one of these games is on FOX, therefore there is absolutely no possibility of seeing Frank Caliendo at any point during the day. Seriously, has any comedian become more annoying in a quicker time span? Okay Frank, we get it ... John Madden is a nut job and Charles Barkley says stupid things with strange emphases on certain syllables. Enough already.

The annual installment of baseball's "Hot Stove League" is about to start wrapping up, and unless you're in New York, Boston, L.A. and maybe one or two other cities, you'd probably rather read about why the stove in your kitchen is still hot even though dinner was made three hours ago. But let's go ahead and throw the Cubs under the bus - only because it's the right thing to do. It's just so fun to see the fans get all up in arms over possible trades and free agent signings that haven't happened. After the way the Cubbies went to sleep in the playoffs, the offseason circus is even more exciting in many ways. Get a hold of yourselves, please.

FUN PICKS FROM THE FUN CAR
(Sheridan's Odds; USAToday.com 12/19; Home team in caps)

Wake Forest (-3) over Navy (Saturday @ Washington, D.C)
You can't say this about many bowl games during any given year, but I actually think that this game has two teams that are willing to actually show up for the game ... in other words, they are two pretty disciplined programs. That's what makes bowl games tough to pick against the spread, simply because at least one team almost always fails to remember that people are betting on these games. In this one, I like Wake Forest stud LB and Butkus Award winner Aaron Curry to give some headaches to Navy's predictable (but effective) option running attack. I guess we'll find out.

Arizona (-3) over BYU (Saturday @ Las Vegas)
Here's my thinking on this game: The "Mormon Affect" will actually hurt BYU because they have way more players on their roster who are of legal age to go enjoy the, um, good times in Vegas. Come on, they can't always be angels, right? And, perhaps a more logical argument, all I know is that BYU very nearly and should have lost to the incomparable Washington Huskies and Ty Willingham earlier this season. 'Nough said.

Pittsburgh (-1.5) over TENNESSEE (Sunday, 1 p.m. est)
I'm allowed to get off the Titan bandwagon just as fast as I got on it. Even on the road, I just see the Steelers being too tough in the fourth quarter in this one ... quite similar to a 13-9 game like last week, without the benefit of an iffy replay call. And seriously, how much do you love Mike Tomlin? I'd just be really surprised if I went out for a beer with him and ended up thinking he wasn't cool.

Arizona (+8) over NEW ENGLAND (Sunday, 1 p.m. est)
Yes, I do know how awful the Cardinals were last week at home against Minnesota. But I just think that's a lot of points to be getting for a team that can score a lot of points. Even though the Pats posted 49 last week against Oakland, they did give up 26 to close-to-calling-him-a-bust JaMarcus Russell. I could be terribly wrong about this one, but what else is new.

DETROIT (+7) over New Orleans (Sunday, 1 p.m. est)
Please, someone in control of something, give the people of Southeast Michigan a break. I beg you.

Carolina (+3) over NY GIANTS (Sunday, 8:15 p.m. est)
Whether Brandon Jacobs is on the field or not, I still like the points in this game. The Giants just don't look like the same team lately (big revelation, I know), so it will really be a matter of whether or not they can get out of this funk heading into the playoffs. On the other side, if I could pick one head coach in the league to start a team, John Fox would make the list of the final three ... and maybe get the nod. They keep winning despite Jake Delhomme and his rather odd and uncomfortable look on the football field. If there were an award for "NFL quarterback who would look most like a waterboy in street clothes," Delhomme would win hands down.

I have a man crush on Gordon Hayward

2008-12-16T08:45:00.000-08:00

There was really only one reason that I ever felt cool on a basketball court, back when I actually used to set foot on such a surface. That reason was that I had on the authentic Michigan hoops shorts – made famous by the Fab 5. And “authentic” was important when you were in junior high.

The Fab 5 still hold a place in my heart, no matter how much loot they were making. C-Webb, Jalen, Juwan, Jimmy and Ray ... they were like my best friends. Gimme a break, I was nine years old. When I heard the word “booster,” I thought it meant the seat. Not some conniving alumni who pays college ballers hundreds of thousands of dollars. I digress.

These days, I would consider myself to be a casual fan of Michigan b-ball (though I do love John Beilein). And by that I mean that I may casually flick the channel to a game to check the score if I know they’re on TV. There are two reasons this happened. One, Michigan has sucked since the Fab 5. Two, I graduated from Butler.

Like most Butler grads, we tend to follow our alma mater’s squad rather close. Although some of my buddies, one in particular, would argue that I actually pull for the refs. I don’t even know what that means, but whatever.

Let me just say, how is it really conceivable that the Dogs were picked to finish fifth in the Horizon League. Really? Fifth? In the Horizon League?! Say all you want about preseason rankings and predictions, but that’s about as much nonsense as I’ve seen in a while. Maybe it’s because I saw Gordon Hayward and Shelvin Mack play in high school before their arrival. Maybe it’s because I have half a brain, I don’t know. Either way, Hayward has been my boy. He’s a lot of people’s boy now, but I’m calling shenanigans on that one.

I watched the game last Saturday at Ohio State (which was in HD as some of you know…a little better than online feed from the Sony camcorder). After letting it soak in for a few days, and after seeing most all of Butler’s nine games and 8-1 record, there are a few things that have become clear to me. The first of which being that the loss in Columbus is not the worst thing that could have happened.

I was able to get a pretty decent read on Brad Stevens when I wrote a feature piece on him last winter, and one of the things I was most intrigued about coming into this season was watching how he would handle this group of studs coming in. Between Hayward, Shelvin Mack, Garrett Butcher and Ron Nored, the simple fact is that Butler had never seen this kind of talent roll into campus. Now we’re starting to see how legit Stevens really is, too.

With Hayward and Mack alone, Butler has two players with as many raw gifts as Eminem back when “My Name Is” was released. At 6-foot-8, Hayward can legitimately play four different positions at the mid-major level. He could be described with more adjectives than Dick Vitale could come up with (Lord, please, don't ever let Dickie V. call a Butler game). Mack, on the other hand, has an aggression and powerful first step on the offensive end of the floor that sometimes just makes you giggle when you see it. Butler used to be about lay-ups and efficiency. But Hayward and Mack can play inside the lane and above the rim. Period.

Bringing Stevens back into the picture, what I have been just as pleased to see is how these to guys have been coached on the defensive end of the floor. Mack has quicker hands than Thomas Jackson ever had, and Hayward has a somewhat freakish combination of hops, long arms and quick reactions. Some of that is obviously natural talent, but some of it is Stevens clearly putting as much emphasis on defense as offense.

The game in Columbus showed me a few different things. One, this team is ready to win and it’s ready to win now. Two, they desperately need more discipline. Enter Stevens yet again.

I could sit here and rip quite a few things I don’t like about what has happened and what is going on with line-ups and a dozen other things, but the truth is still that the Dogs are nine games into a season where most people didn’t know what to expect. I do have a few suggestions just for the sake of conversation, though. More minutes for Butcher; less minutes for Jukes and Nored; everyone lay off Howard because without him on the floor you can forget about it; and consider Mack at the point.

That’s going to wrap it up for now. I’m headed to Chicago for a few days, but will be back with another utterly thought-provoking column on Thursday or Friday. Feel free to e-mail me at thefuncarblog@yahoo.com with comments and insults, and I’ll do some type of feedback column in the next couple weeks. Cheers.

Allow me to introduce myself...

2008-12-12T10:45:00.000-08:00

As a kid, going six deep on a road trip in the family minivan was always a real treat. Heck, even if there were just four or five of us. In a true feat of hope almost every time we hit the road, albeit unrealistic hope, it never failed that one of us would make a comment about being in The Fun Car. It was time to go for a ride and we’re hopefully going to make it.

But the problem was, Dad was driving The Fun Car and he never really caught on to the concept. He somehow reasoned, in his mind, that with four kids and Mom in the car, we could make it seamlessly from exit to exit (or straight to Grandma and Grandpa’s in two hours) only when gas was needed or if he was hungry. Wrong.

With all the bickering, meaningless gotcha-games, Tetris records being set on Game Boy and whatever else, it seemed as though concept of The Fun Car was destined to fail simply based on who was in the car. But the idea – stopping when needed, remaining flexible, taking detours at times, dealing with whatever comes along, etc. – has liven on.

While in the midst of my current streak of five-plus months collecting unemployment after being laid off as a full-time sports writer/editor, and the ensuing time on my hands, I’ve decided to put my resources to good use and start to fill my own internet space with a blog on sports, life, and…uh...other stuff. Sure, I’ve been looking for a new gig and came close to a couple, but I humbly admit that there is no way anyone could have known how bad the job market would become. That’s a nice way of saying that I need something to do. So I invite you to hop in The Fun Car, where we’ll pull over for a bathroom break when needed, we’ll take detours whether it’s necessary or not, and just maybe we’ll solve the world’s problems along the way.

(Side note: For those of you that don’t know what “solving the world’s problems” actually entails, that was basically code for “drunk and/or blacked out conversations that inevitably turned into arguments at 4:30 a.m. in the frat house”. That basically explains it. I’ve grown up since then, I swear.)

I warn you that this introductory column is, for the most part, not really structured the way it will be in the future. Um, wait, that sounded like I have an actual plan. What I mean to say is that I really have no idea what this will turn into, other than a place to offer my opinions, thoughts, sarcasm, dissertations and musings about sports and other relatively meaningless things. TV shows, pop culture, certain trends, friends, family. And obviously making fun of a lot of nouns (Re: People, Places, Things). You get the idea, maybe, but we’ll still mostly talk about sports. The NFL, Butler hoops, college football and b-ball, or whatever is going on. Oh, and yeah, I have a slight interest in football point spreads. I’m no Bill Simmons though.

For those of you that know a little bit about the newspaper and/or publishing business, you know that right out of college, let’s just say that life isn’t very sexy. Two days after I graduated from Butler in May of ’05, I found myself in a small, rundown office in downtown Lebanon, Ind. That was just the beginning of it. I worked for The Daily Sun for about a year, pretty much seven days a week, covering everything from thrilling high school girls basketball games to day-long meat-fest high school wrestling tournaments. It was something special, and that’s not even touching on my first experience at the local Boone County 4-H Fair.

The 4-H Fair changed me forever. I’m about to break down just thinking about it again. I will never be the same person thanks to “professionally” covering crap like the Demolition Derby and Mud Bog. Forget work…I will never be the same person for simply being in attendance. My creativity and dignity were simultaneously shot when I got back to the office and had to try to pen a competent story about a bunch of rednecks (no offense, really) driving their pickups through a pit of mud. People often ask me what my best or favorite interview has been – Tony Dungy, John Wooden, Bobby Knight, Cal Ripken Jr. – but nope, it was the dude who won the Mud Bog. Can’t even remember his name. It was at that moment when I knew I was forever indebted to my parents for raising our family in suburban Chicago.

Since that first job, I have continued in the business and was most recently an editor at Vype Magazine. Enough of that junk though. Today I come to you from my humble abode in Fishers, Ind., which means I am now officially a suburban dweller just outside of Indianapolis. That begs the question, is there even such a thing as a suburb of Indy? Don’t think so. What this also means is that I’m buried with a bunch of Colts fans. Those of you who live in Indy but are not Colts clowns know how awesome that is. I think it’s fair to say that there will be some realistic banter about this very topic in some columns to come.

I’ll try to make this space a little more sexy (photos, links, stuff) as I learn to use the blog software, but this is what you get for now. In the true spirit of Friday, I’d like to wrap up this first column of pure boredom by presenting to you the inaugural Fun Picks from The Fun Car. Beware that I’m pretty much just a dope. As the self-professed dope himself says, Mr. Terry Boers, I don’t know anything about anything. Thanks for hopping on board and welcome. Hope you enjoy the ride.

FUN PICKS FROM THE FUN CAR
*Sheridan’s odds (USA Today, 12/12); home team in caps

COLTS (-17.5) over Lions
This one kills me. The Colts have been the luckiest team in the NFL the past six weeks, and the last time I took them, they couldn’t cover 4.5 against the Browns. Gross. Then last week, I decided to ignore them before they beat the stellar Bengals 35-3. I hate betting on the Horse this season, but with Dan Orlovsky starting for Detriot and the Colts at home, I’ll lay the points.

Packers (-2) over JAGUARS
If a team screws me one week, the bitterness factor almost never fails to take over the following week. That’s the Pack this Sunday, after their disappointing showing against the Texans at home last week, but I’m still going to take them at Jacksonville. Only reason being, the Jags packed the bus about three weeks ago. That contract extension for David Garrard is looking pretty solid.

CHIEFS (+5) over Chargers
Hello! You play to win the game! I love betting on Herm Edwards late in the season, when nothing matters. I also love Tyler Thigpen. I saw him live (full disclosure: I had a little buzz) in the Bears’ preseason game against K.C. and wondered if he would be good enough to start for my high school alma mater. Look at him now! Take the points.

COWBOYS (-3) over Giants
Tony Romo is my fantasy quarterback. After being the second seed in a 12-team league going into the playoffs last week, Romo helped start a complete meltdown loss with his awesome six-point performance against the Steelers. To top his performance, Dallas choked that game away and now they’ve got another tough one against pouty-face No. 2 (Eli Manning; Peyton is pouty-face No. 1). Might be dumb to take the ‘Boys, but I love when they are desperate. That’s about the only time they play well. And besides, I’d just like to see Wade Phillips attempt to jump while throwing his hands up in the air and celebrating the big win.