Friday Funbag for all

No, not those kind of funbags. That’s on a different site. But there is no reason to try to reinvent the wheel here … welcome to the inaugural Funbag, a mailbag of sorts where I get to kindly respond to the comments and e-mails from my fellow degenerates. I figure most of you will be involved in some way … if there are 10 people reading this and I use six or seven comments from past columns, then I’d say this is a pretty reader-friendly idea. I’m here for the people.

Without further ado, hope this can waste some time on a soft Friday at the office.

From Beth: “In my first newspaper job, I lost my dignity covering FFA Day (Future Farmers of America) at Jay County High School. They drove their tractors to school.”
DM: Yeah, you’re definitely on to something here. I made the drive to Jay County H.S. once myself, which really leads to the bigger picture: If you’re not from the country, then driving through the country will harden you. Plain and simple. You start to appreciate things like gas stations, well-marked roads that don’t change names three times in a 20 mile stretch, and being generally lost with much less sense of direction. Make one wrong turn and you end up in places you never knew existed … which is frustrating because you’ve never heard of the place you’re supposed to be going either.

From BCrone: “Nice read, but I have to disagree (Shelvin) Mack having quicker hands than TJ (Thomas Jackson). I have played against both and I definitely think Mack will get there. I don’t think he’s there yet!”
DM: BCrone? As in Brandon Crone? Thanks for reading … now I’m putting out an official APB for you. I’m not on the message board so I’m not sure where you are playing these days ... has “The Fun Car” gone international already? Still playing across the pond?
I can’t really sit here and disagree with you, well, because I haven’t played against Mack and TJ. I think I could take ‘em though, but that’s another story. Someone forward this to Mr. Crone … we can do an interview, something like “Brandon Crone’s Top European Party Cities.” Now that would be a good read. Either way, I love former ButDog hoopers reading this brainwashing column. It’s fantastic.

From Jay, before the NFL playoffs started: “Good NFL thoughts. In the Colts case, one could employ the “Good teams find a way to win” argument, but I think that you are on the money … the Colts will be back to their familiar tradition of being overrated and choking in the playoffs. That is all I want for Christmas.”
DM: Merry Christmas, Jay. Sorry it’s a little late, but no less deserved. It’s not often I’m “on the money” about much, but the Colts essentially kept pace with themselves, so to speak. But first off, let me say that Colts fans around here need to just have a seat and take a deep breath. Remember the ‘90s? Were most of you “fans” then? You’ve made the playoffs for freaking 10 straight years. You won a Super Bowl. You have (soon had) a coach that people bow down to. You just got a brand new stadium. You have jerseys that all of you seem to love. You have Peyton. And you were stupid enough to believe that the Colts were much better than they actually were this season. In fact, it’s eerily similar to some Bears fans that drank the Kool-Aid and were disappointed when the team overachieved and fought for a playoff spot. I’m thankful, and a bit humbly proud, that I drank beer instead of Kook-Aid.

From Joe: “The Colts got screwed by the two worst rules in the NFL. First of all, why the hell do the Colts have to travel to .500 San Diego. Then they get screwed by the overtime policy of the NFL that puts more weight on the flip of a coin than the play of a team.”
DM: My previous point exactly. No, Joe, the Colts actually got screwed because they had an incredibly soft run defense and an offensive line that couldn’t create open running lanes to save their backside. It’s honestly not any more complicated than that.

From Josh: “I think it’s pretty clear that any success (Brad) Stevens has had is the direct result of his excellent DePauw education.”
DM: I’ve never heard a more objective statement in my life. You DePauw grads are quite the confident bunch, if I do say so. And I have to ask, what do you think when you see your former college buddy on the sidelines of a Top 25 team?
Listen, I like Stevens. He is a big reason why this team starting three froshies is 13-1 at the moment. But I will say, in confidence to my free season ticket partner who I sit with at the games, the offensive rotations and general decision-making is getting a little out of hand. It’s hard to be too frustrated after the team won its 15^th straight league game last night and beat Wright State by 16, but there are some glaring things that need to stop sooner rather than later. Here they are:

- Avery Jukes must stop shooting 3’s, and he must stop getting thrown the ball in the post just so it can hit his hands and turn into a loose ball.

- Grant Leiendecker, he’s probably a great guy, but his minutes are far from justified. If he is supposed to be a shooter off the bench, then 26 percent from behind the arc just isn’t going to cut it.

- The turnovers and bad shots on the offensive end need to be heavily reduced. What’s frustrating is that earlier in the year, a few players were quotes as saying that Stevens just tells them to keep shooting if they are open – if they don’t fall, then they will soon. I’m paraphrasing obviously, but that’s just a little concerning.

From Greg: “Apparently your terrible Michigan ring tone you had for years was free. You need to spend money on some of that stuff we used to eat back in the day. What’s that called again?”

DM: Listen Notre Dame boy, yes it was free. And I’m not sure what that stuff was called … fruit roll-ups maybe?

From Anonymous: “An iPod changed my life. Get one. You heard it here first. Falcons/Colts Super Bowl next year. The Mike Shanahan-led Colts will gallop through the postseason, only to clash with league MVP Matt Ryan – the first quarterback to start all 16 games and beef less than five interceptions. Do you ever feel guilty for living on my social security?”
DM: Oh, where to start. First off, do you not have a name? I guess not, so we’ll just call you Johnny Prognosticator. A guy who found the true meaning of an iPod. A guy who apparently was under a rock about a year ago when Jim Caldwell was named the next coach of your beloved Horse. A guy who apparently missed Matt Ryan throwing two interceptions against one of the worst pass defenses in the league last week. A guy who apparently didn’t get the memo about the Colts being old and slow on offense, and too small and soft on defense. A guy who just asked me if I felt guilty for losing my job and taking money from a Democratic government. And this whole time I just assumed this comment came from a guy. I don’t think a lady could be that big of a dope.